Opinions - Everyone Has Them

People express them in different ways and in different places.

My World is Full of Words

My brain is constantly whirling with thoughts, and my entire being is flooded with emotions. It is almost impossible for my mind to be still. I rarely experience inner calm and quiet, and knowing what peace feels like is hard.

Since I was a little girl, I have kept a journal. It has hopes and dreams, funny stories, and cherished memories. However, it is also filled with darkness—the things no one should have to experience, the things I wish I could forget.

Writing in my journal helps me slow down the tornado in my head. It is my emotional support system, a kind of self-care, and an outlet for the joys, adventures, challenges, and horrors I’ve experienced. I never imagined I’d put my words anywhere except in my journal.

In 2022, I accepted a part-time position as a Research Fellow for the Consumer Center of the Taxpayers Protection Alliance (TPA), which I held for almost two years. One of my duties was to pick a topic I felt people should learn more about, research it, and write an op-ed about it.

I am stubborn and independent, so I liked that arrangement. No one told me what I had to discuss or what I could say about a topic (I picked nicotine every time!). I always had someone to help me with edits, and I didn’t have to pitch them to publications. (I am super uncomfortable with the pitching part!)

I didn’t like that those publications might do edits without my approval. They always picked the headline they wanted to give an article, some of which I didn’t like. Some also failed to include my hyperlinks, which irked me. How can a “Research Fellow” not have links to back up what they say?

A writer rarely has control over what picture is used. Want an example of that? How many times have you seen this photo or this one? (Other images along the same vein have been used numerous times.)

(Update since publication: I tried to include a link to the Google image search showing how many times those two photos had been used (including in my op-eds), but it turns out that copying the link does not save the search! I will paste the images below…)

One of my favorite publications to read is Filter Magazine. While I was a supporter of tobacco harm reduction when I first started reading Filter, I was not a supporter of harm reduction for other substances, nor did I believe there were any alternatives other than abstinence for anyone with an addiction to a substance outside of nicotine.

Reading Filter changed my mind about using all kinds of substances. It taught me much about the need for a safe supply, a safe place to use, and safer ways to use substances. Its articles also taught me much about social justice and human rights. 

One of my favorite things about Filter articles and op-eds is that many are written by or at least quote people who have lived experiences with the topics being discussed.

Years later, it seems weird to me that back then, I could comprehend the importance of reducing risk when using nicotine but didn’t understand and support that for other substances. It helps me grasp how some people might do the opposite, supporting harm reduction for some substances but not for nicotine.

It is an understatement to say I was thrilled the day I received an email from Will Godfrey, editor-in-chief of Filter. I didn’t know that TPA had pitched one of my op-eds to Will, and he wanted to publish it! Having my words appear in a publication I deeply admire and respect is one of the highlights of my life. I am honored that Filter has shared my thoughts with their readers several times since that day.

No matter what you call them—trolls, haters, or people with differing views—there is a right and wrong way to express an opinion. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their feedback, and I love conversing with them. Other people are rude, bullies, and very mean. It can get ugly about a topic as contentious as nicotine. I have difficulty dealing with people who don’t know how to be nice when disagreeing.

Any of us who are active on social media, do public speaking and media interviews, or have our writing published have experienced the vitriol of people who disagree with us and cannot express themselves without making personal attacks and using cruel words. I am lucky because I do not always experience that; it only happens on rare occasions.

One of my more hurtful experiences with someone who disagreed with me came from a fellow advocate I greatly respected. They disagreed with some of my advocacy efforts, tired of my communications with them, and felt I should not be publicly open about my mental health and neurodiversity. When I was unable to change their mind, it became necessary to block them to shelter myself from their hateful words—an unfortunate outcome.

Sometimes, I wonder why people feel the need to express an opinion at all. For example, the other day, someone reached out to tell me they thought it childish that I ordered myself a blanket with dinosaurs. Why do they even care? It was for me. I liked it, and it brought me joy. Is there some rule that the lives of adults have to be painted a dismal shade of grey? Shouldn’t we all embrace our inner child and sometimes experience uninhibited happiness?

It has been almost a year since I retired from my position at TPA. My time there taught me the value of sharing my words with the world, so I’m still writing. I write in my journal almost every day, and last spring, I started a blog on Substack, where I’ll publish this essay when I’m finished.

I have to push myself to write things that will be publicly shared. Much of that, I think, is because I struggle to have enough self-confidence to believe my words are worth sharing. This blog has become my “safe place.”

I still write op-eds occasionally as a freelance writer. However, I now have to pitch them myself, which is not my favorite thing! I am “guilty " of limiting my self-pitching to Filter, which is also a safe place. I love working with Will. He is kind, compassionate, and nonjudgmental. He is familiar with my mental health and neurodiversity challenges and makes a considerable effort to accommodate my needs.

He values my voice and respects my views. I am not required to accept any of his suggested edits. He helps me with the things I struggle with, like flow, staying on point, and being concise. He loves that I like to link to things that validate what I’m saying. He is patient and encouraging.

This brings me to the point of this commentary: my latest encounter with someone who disagrees with me and expresses their views in a way that is miles away from the land of kindness. While I appreciate input, suggestions, and topic ideas, I don’t enjoy them when they are offensive.

It has been a few months since I published anything in Filter, so I’m not sure why this is even on this person’s radar. They are not a fan of the magazine. They are like I was a few years ago, where tobacco harm reduction makes sense to them, but harm reduction for other substances does not.

This individual does not agree that a person who is incarcerated deserves to be treated with dignity or respect. They also struggle with accepting anything other than what a person was identified as at birth, and they believe that same-sex relationships will send a person straight to hell.

In other words, they disagree with almost everything Filter publishes other than articles about tobacco harm reduction (as long as that right isn’t extended to people who are incarcerated or LGBTQ+).

Their “helpful” suggestion was to find somewhere else to publish my work because, in their opinion, it would damage my reputation and credibility to continue to publish in that magazine. I politely disagreed.

That’s when things got more unpleasant. They searched for every reason they could find to prove they were right. They’ve looked at who else has been published in Filter, who funds Filter, and comments made by people like Tahir Turk about Filter pieces. And now they’ve resorted to using words you would not expect a fellow advocate to call you, words like “shill” and “industry mouthpiece.”

It has become apparent that this person is not concerned about my well-being, reputation, or credibility. Their ideology and moralistic views drive them. They hate some of the magazine’s funders and strongly disagree with some of its topics.

I asked them if they’d ever contacted Filter, and they said they had not. I invited them to do so, suggesting they write and submit an op-ed. I told them that if Filter refused to publish their op-ed, I’d publish it in my blog, or they could start a blog to self-publish or publish it on LinkedIn.

Suggestions on ways to use their voice only further angered them. It seemed that their only acceptable form of communication was via my inbox. They felt the need to aim all of their hate at me. When I remained kind, they tried harder to push my buttons, get me to agree to be silenced, and walk away from the few times I am published at the place where I love being published.

They don’t realize it took me a long time to become brave enough to express myself outside of social media. Discovering that courage helped me become more fearless, including refusing to be intimidated into silencing my voice. I won’t be censored.

I want to request that people slow down and think. It’s ok to have an opinion. However, not all opinions need to be shared. When you share them, ensure you first run your thoughts through a filter. Be mindful that your comments are constructive, kind, and accepting of other people’s views.

After all, isn’t that how you’d want to be treated?

Until next time…